I Eat Everyday

Recently, I have been noticing that I am becoming a bit lazier than usual.   Don't give me wrong, I really enjoy a day here and there with absolutely nothing to do or the desire to do. That usually happens every few months.   However, lately I've noticed I don't feel like doing anything.   There are things I want to do in my head, but my body or my mood isn't moving.   Then again, yesterday, when my cousin asked if I could sew up his pants, I did in a few minutes. Then, I felt like I wanted to sew more. Maybe I need a setup or trigger to do something.   So, I tested the theory. I had some computer work. So, I set up my computer and am still working.   But to combat my laziness that is creeping up, I think I will start without imagining the commitments and time that I will be spending. Then it might work?

Greetings for the day you are reading this.   The other day, I went to my friend's farm to help out. It is located in the beautiful Sagamihara area, and his company is pretty big there.   It was a very nice day; however, the wind picked up toward the end.   Each year, he hosts a day where people he knows can help out with one root vegetable, satsumo imo, because the steps to plant satsumo imo are pretty tedious and require a lot of manpower. We are happy to help him.   After all the hard work, he has lunch prepared for us. Nice vegetable soup along with boxed bento. Of course, desserts are there, too.   This year, I have noticed that people who want to do farming or argiculture in general have increased. That is a very nice thing cause it is a noble work to be able to grow and feed people.   We were talking about his business, and I spoke about my interest in the business. He was very delighted to hear that calling me “Shacho.” It was a bit embarrassing to ...

Since mid-March, it has been non-stop.   First, I had to finalize all the financial statements for my father's Japanese company. Like last year, I went to three different offices. The last one, I really didn't have to go because I went there last year to fill out a form indicating that the company cannot operate since my father hasn't gotten his business visa. Anyhow, everything took about 5 hours to complete, which isn't bad. Second, my brother came to Tokyo during the school holiday. He went with me on my days off. Then, soon after, my father came. So, I have my work. Then my days off were used by my father and brother. They wanted to go to new places. They hardly stayed home.   Third, during the school breaks, I run programs that I am in charge of.   On a positive note, I have been fasting every day. Taking lunch to work became so bothersome, so I would break my fast in the morning with a nice whole meal in the morning. I finish my eating window with either yogurt or...

Japan has many historic places. One of them is Kawagoe. It is a very nice, calm town.   There are so many historic sites. One of them is Chabudai.   Chabudai is a nice guest house in Kawagoe. There is a small cafe/diner on the first floor. They hold different events every week. One of them is that you become a chef. On Saturday evening, my friend made her debut as a chef. Her cooking is very good. Another friend of ours went there to support her. Many people came as she cooked in the kitchen. Compared to a Western-style kitchen, this kitchen is small and open. She cooked and talked with her customers.                                            Of course, I ordered Kawagoe sake. It was very good. Next time, I would like to try it warm.   We ordered deep-fried pork cutlets and vegetables. For dessert, she made carrot cake with lemon cream cheese frosting.   Thi...

So, again, work drama happened.   It started on Friday. In the morning, the program director called in sick. He wasn’t feeling well because of his treatment. He called in another teacher to cover his morning class. That was that.   The problem was that there wasn’t anyone who could cover his afternoon classes, which he had two. We were asking other teachers to see if they could come in and cover his classes. Nobody was available cause it is last minute. That is understandable.   So, the lady who handles all the documents texted him and asked if he could come in only for the afternoon. In the text, he could come in.   Then, as soon as he came in, he went to the office and asked why she didn’t cancel the classes. Based on my own experience with him, his tone of voice or body language spoke louder than his actual words. He raised his voice at her. He even compared his illness to other people’s illnesses. That we all understand. She was just doing her job and asked him j...

  Please be warned that this post might trigger mental health issues and depression. Please know that there is always help if you are struggling. Please have the courage to reach out.       My first thought of taking my own life came to me when I was driving. At that moment, all I thought to myself was, everything I am feeling; feeling of uselessness, feeling of I am not doing enough, feeling of self-blame, feeling of shame, feeling of responsibilities, feeling of my father's guilt, feeling of my mother's vulnerability, would stop if I were not breathing. I entertained the idea a couple more times. It will start with a thought of what I can do to help my parents. Then it will spiral down; I would think I should have studied things that my father could have used; I should have brought an American investor; I should have done this and that. This spiral thinking will stop at the bottom with one escape. My baby brother (he was 4 or 5) was the one who carried all of ...